Every Night's and All-Nighter When You're a Parent

In the past three years, the hubs and I have enjoyed about ten nights of uninterrupted sleep. That’s about 1,085 un-enjoyable days. I’m surprised dark, saggy bulges aren’t permanently tattooed under my eyes.

Mornings after five-hour stretches feel like we’ve endlessly dozed on clouds. Best. Nights. Sleep. Ever. Sleeping in means 8 a.m. And, Jack sneaking between us at 5 a.m., instead of midnight, is a “great night.”

I’m not sure how we got so lucky. Having two kids who find it fun to wake up all night. Jack was horrible right out of the gate. I clearly remember the first weeks of his life. Pleading to God to help him stay asleep. Hearing his grunts and tiny hiccup cries every hour. Unable to open my eyes. Rocking him for hours.

We had a very specific bedtime routine. Still do. Let him sleep with us. Cry it out (see my previous post on that here). You name it, we tried it. It was never going to sleep that was the issue. It was staying asleep. Now almost three, Jack usually wakes up once a night. And, normally ends up in our bed. But, not without a few humorous sleep conversations. 

Now Ella? She’s the sassy, unpredictable one. When she was four weeks old, we gushed about her consistent five-to-six hour stretches. Would wake up to quickly nurse, then instantly fell back asleep for another five hours.

At four months, it was easy to wean her of night feedings. Two nights of a couple extra snuggles and she kicked the habit.  But a few weeks later, she found her voice. And, discovered we came to it.

Now almost eight months old, Ella owns the night. It’s like playing cards. Never sure of the hand we’ll be dealt. Goes to bed around 8 or 9 p.m. Never ever fusses. And, usually can’t even finish her bottle. (For the recommended amount of sleep your baby should have by age, click here).

Sometimes she’ll barely wake once. Just for the missing pacifier. But, those nights are becoming scarcer. Normally, she’s up for an hour sometime between 2 and 4 a.m. Grinning and batting my face. Seriously. Last night, she squealed and elbowed as I forced her into the sleep position in my arms. She was mad. Mad! And, that was after a half-hour of Justin rocking and rocking and rocking.

If she’s not up for one solid hour, she’s waking up every two to three. Shove in the pacifier. Or rock for a few seconds. She’s good for another two to three.

Ella’s unusual sleep patterns and Jack’s sleep talking and midnight snuggles are the perfect recipe for auto-parents. With some edge of course.We're lucky to get a solid hour these days. It's always one or the other. Never both at one time.

Last nights party with Ella made me realize something. It’s time for some new sleep training. And, I had just read an article in Parenting Magazine about a new book written by a pediatrician that doesn’t involve Cry It Out. The Happiest Baby Guide to Great Sleep is written by Harvey Karp, M.D., who also wrote The Happiest Toddler on the Block.  And, it addresses kids up to five years. Maybe I can kill two birds with one book?

So, sorry Ella. Maybe you should leave the sass at your door and get some shuteye. 

Ten Things You Need to Know on Baby Sleep

I’m confused over the “slept like a baby” phrase. They must not have babies. I’ve had two. Both completely opposite sleepers. And both with regular and totally different issues.

As I’ve said before, Jack was a horrible sleeping baby. Up all night as a newborn. Needed continious rocking through babyhood. And never slept long periods at a time.

Ella’s the reverse. Slept four to six hours straight consistently since birth. Puts herself to sleep. And back to sleep. Can regulate her needed amount of sleep. And will fall asleep anywhere if she’s overtired. But, she has her share of sleep troubles.

In two rounds of baby sleep, I had discovered a few things all the baby sleep articles/books/advice seemed to skip. Here are ten tidbits I found true of my babies and their sleep.

1. The wakings and hours of straight sleep will continuously change. We rejoiced when newborn Jack slept five hours straight. Four days later he was up every two hours. Repeat until year two. Ella snoozed perfectly for her first four months. Then it was hit or miss. From my notes, it appears babies are not consistent sleepers. Shocker.

2. There is no magical baby sleep technique. Cry it Out, Sears, whatever. You decide. We’ve done several and have seen improvements. But most days are the same. What we - and many seasoned parents - uncovered is all techniques will work with personal modifications. Rewriting portions of your sleep-training plan will only make everyone happy. And sleepy.

3. Babies who sleep great at night can also take good naps. I’ve continuously seen that babies who sleep great at night typically aren’t good nappers. Not Ella. She’ll follow a healthy night with three solidly long naps. Just depends on her day.

4. Cereal isn’t the answer to a full nights sleep. “Once you start solids, he/she will sleep better.” Show of hands for parents who’ve heard this? Little secret: it’s a myth. Neither child of mine showed a difference in sleeping when we started the goods. But, maybe that’s just us.

5. There is an enormous gray area of “sleeping through the night.” Experts say it’s more than five hours. Parents of perfect babies say it’s eleven. Those who say their babies sleep through the night are (a) lying (b) not counting the five times they zombie-walked to stuff in a pacifier or (c) think one night of solid sleep followed by four filled with a couple drowsy wakings is the definition.   

6. A consistent bedtime routine may not help babies sleep better. It helped Jack get to sleep. Not stay asleep. Ella has hit the jackpot when she gets a book, bottle and rocking. Her routine always varies. But her sleeping rarely does.

7.Exhaused babies aren’t always unhappy babies. Baby one couldn’t handle the pressure. Baby two will fall asleep playing she reaches the breaking point. But, the downside is she wakes earlier, which is common of babies who haven’t gotten enough sleep. Weird huh?

8. A baby can sleep too much. Or maybe not. If Ella takes lengthy daytime naps or adds an extra snooze in the car, she usually wakes more during the night. On the flipside, when Jack was a baby he could sleep all day and night. Never made a difference.

9. Setting the slumber scene really does work. Dim the lights. Add some white noise. A baby can’t resist. Ella will fall asleep even if she’s not tired.

10. Give he/she a little time to work it out. Alone. With our first, we jumped crib-side any time he sniffled. Little Ella’s learned it takes a bit more to get our reaction. And most times, she realizes it’s not worth it.

Is there something I missed? Please share in the comments below. It might save us all.

Why Mess With a Good Swing

Next week I return to work. Which translates to my real life homecoming. No more living in a never-ending fairy tale. The good life will now resume in the evenings and Friday through Monday. Welcome back chaotic mornings. Travel coffee mug. And, daycare germs.

In my return to work preparation, I’ve been noting Ella’s unregulated schedule for our nanny, also known as my Mom. She’ll be watching El two days a week, Jack one day. As a baby, Jack was very particular about life. He liked to be put to sleep a certain way. Hated the bottle. Loved being held. And preferred the comfort of routine.

Ella is the world's opposite.

At seven weeks old, she’s surprisingly on somewhat of a routine. Wakeful mornings. Long afternoon nap. Playful evenings. And heavy sleep-filled nights. She took to a bottle of breast milk without a hiccup. Will sleep anywhere. Loves smiling. Prefers her fist as entertainment. And rarely sheds tears.

Today, my Mom asked about Ella’s particulars. I sifted my brain. She really has none that I’ve noticed. Probably because she’s the second child and has adapted to the demanding needs of her two-year-old brother. One thing I know for sure is she absolutely loves to nap in the swing. Hands down.

Jack hated it as a baby. Only spending time swinging when I took showers. Ella spends all naps there. Which equals a good part of her day. While she sleeps in the pack-and-play in our room at night, she usually ends up sleeping anywhere during the day. Lately I’ve been trying to have her nap in her crib, but found she sleeps more peacefully and longer in the swing. Regardless of Jack’s screeching, ball-throwing or table-jumping activities surrounding her. She sleeps.

So I concluded, why mess with a good swing? She sleeps there perfectly during the day. Why change? As a second-time Mom, I've learned to not mess with a baby unless there are real tears.

Ella snoozing in the swing.